September 17, 2010 · 8:15 am

What’s the hubub, bub?

When there’s time, I’ll grab a cup of coffee before I get on the train. Today, I was behind a young woman who knew she wanted a bagel. And perhaps, her own name.

I looked at the clock on the wall: 8:09. Express trains leaving in 4 and 10 minutes.

“I got sesame, cinnamon-raisin, poppy, everything –”

“Wait, what’s on that one?”

As the counter man deconstructed the Everything Bagel for our bright young professional, I realized the cashier was idle. Behind me, several restless people had noticed the same thing.

A thirtyish guy in a bike helmet who will absolutely grow up to be the father from Calvin & Hobbes rolled his bike back and forth as a woman behind him blew her bangs out of her eyes after each deep sigh. Behind her, a grown man switched his briefcase from hand to hand, dropped his shoulders and started doing the Pee-pee Dance.

Just as Bagel Girl paid for the exotic new baked good she’ll be talking about for weeks, Calvin’s Dad leaned in and said in my face, “I want a small coffee.”

He began wheeling his bike over, but I stepped in front of him. When he stopped short, the bike helmet slid down over his eyes a bit.

“Medium coffee, blueberry muffin, please,” I said to the counter man. When I looked over my shoulder, the biker was shooting daggers.

“Wasn’t exactly Gone With The Wind, now, was it?” I said, handing the cashier a bill.

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September 15, 2010 · 8:53 am

An Open Letter to Menotek, Inc.

I bought a Bluetooth keyboard that stopped creating several useful characters, including the letters “a,” “s,” “d,” and the comma. Which we all know I overuse anyway.

I went to Menotek.com in search of customer service, but only found a sales link for requesting info on wholesale orders.

Here’s the letter I sent:

Hi there. I recently purche Menotek keyboard after buying n iPhone 4. writer n omenone who recently trte long commute I hope thi evice wool be gret wy to boot my personl n profeinl productivity.

Unfortuntly the Menotek trte malfunctioning after only two week of ue. The comm w the firt to go but I ten to overue them nyy o it no gret lo.

It w when I trte to loe the left en of the keyboard that I trte to have eriou difficulty. Luckily my phone i mrt enough to to-correct mny of te top but it cn only o o muc.

I’ve trte typing te me wy I mutt oun in the entit’ chir.

I’ rely like to give your product noter hot but I couldn’t fin ny contact information on your corporate webite. I uppoe if I emil your le tem I could place wholele orer but I’ rather jut have replacement.

Plee let me know how I cn return the effective unit.

Thnk!

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June 27, 2010 · 11:11 am

The state of things.

I’m not prone to sharing a lot of personal stuff online. With anonymity, it makes sense to seek support, make confessions and share aspirations with an audience. When you write under your own persona, you’re somewhat limited. Or, at least, I am.

So, when things aren’t going as well as I’d like, I tend to blog less; which is to say — not at all.

There’s plenty on my mind:

  1. I’m still wondering at least twice each day why Elton John would perform at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding. I know he was paid to appear, but by any measure, Limbaugh has a long and robust record of making not just homophobic statements, but pronouncements that are just plain hateful. I have little doubt that if Limbaugh could wave a wand, he’d make gay people disappear. As I said elsewhere, it’s like Lena Horne singing “Happy Birthday” to Lester Maddox in honor of his 60th.
  2. Having a devil of a time nailing down rehearsal spots and most importantly, a location for the planned July 10th shoot. I’ll work it out; I just need to put more shoe leather into it, which is challenging, since I’m feeling like crap.
  3. Even though I knew I wasn’t feeling well, I got up this morning and prepared a batch of Parker House Rolls. The dough’s rising now; I’ll punch it down once before forming the rolls and baking them. I was planning to bring them to a friend’s party, but I’m honestly not sure if I’m up to going.

Those are all the vexations I’ll share; the rest is just life stuff that’s personal, and therefore, mundane. I don’t read blogs to learn about someone’s emotional state how hammered they got, or learn about their SO issues. I’m much more interested in other peoples’ ideas, and not so much strangers’ feelings. (My friends are a different matter entirely) Don’t get me wrong; anyone who knows me wil affirm that I’m a rank sentimentalist and an unreconstructed romantic.

I just think the most personal blogs are akin to someone standing in front of a street-facing window and asking passers-by what they think of the rash on their ass.

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